Protecting you has always been top of my list
by Gosh1991
Summary: Set sometime post 2x06 but in this one Michael leaves Nikita after he finds out he has a son. Bottled up emotions between Alex and Nikita become too much and now things are changing but will things go as planned?
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Protecting you has always been top of my list**

**Author****: Gosh1991**

**Fandom****: Nikita**

**Pairing****: Nikita/Alex**

**Rating****: K+**

**Disclaimer****: I own nothing**

Michael had been gone 2 days, 4 hours and 27 minutes, and Alex had been back 3 days, 6 hours and 34 minutes; Nikita had been counting.

It was well past midnight and the safe house was shrouded in darkness and almost completely silent except for the prone figure sitting in the living room; shoulders heaving violently and tears falling in rivulets down her cheeks; it was Alex. She just couldn't wrap her mind around the idea that her mother had been having an affair with the man who had ordered the hit on her father. Alex pulled herself from her dark thoughts and stood up in disgust she couldn't think about her mother anymore just the thought of her made her feel sick to her stomach. She wandered the house for what felt like hours and finally came to a stop outside her own bedroom door but she couldn't bring herself to go in just yet, she knew if she went back in her thoughts would go back to her mother and she would just wind herself back up again. Alex's eyes settled on the door two away from her; it was Nikita's room, she wondered if Nikita was still awake.

She pushed the door open cautiously and popped her head around taking in the sight of Nikita's small body asleep in her large double bed that she usually shared with Michael. Nikita's body was curled into a tight ball almost as if she was trying to comfort herself even in her sleep. "Nikita?" Alex whispered hoping that she was actually awake but hadn't heard her come into the room but all Alex received was silence. All Alex really wanted to do was talk and she really needed Nikita right now.

Without thinking she slipped into the bed beside Nikita hoping that maybe just being in close proximity to Nikita would help steady her swirling thoughts. Nikita stirred and wrapped her arm around the warm body that had just invaded her senses. Her hand connected with soft, delicate smooth skin "Mmmm Alex" she hummed and pulled Alex flush against her own body. Nikita's fingers danced down Alex's back and settled on her lower back just above the waistband to her sleep shorts. Alex sighed in relief there was just something about Nikita that settled her mind in a matter of seconds and kept it quit as long as she was near. She revelled in the heat that Nikita's body provided but the dim light that came through the curtains illuminated Nikita's face and Alex could see the troubled expression that was etched on her face.

Alex pushed a tendril of hair off Nikita's face and murmured "You miss him don't you?" Nikita shifted again and snuggled her head into Alex's neck "But I missed you more!" she confessed in her half asleep state. Alex smiled partially because of what Nikita said and the other because Nikita's breathe was tickling her neck. "Really?" Alex ventured. Nikita nodded. "Yeh" she managed to get out between a yawn or two. "I was always worried about you; I never slept well while you were gone!" Alex lay there silently contemplating what Nikita had just said. Minutes passed and Alex could feel that Nikita's breathing had evened out again.

"I can't sleep, I keep thinking about my mother; if she was involved with the plan? Did she even love me because if she did I don't think she would have left me for dead all those years ago in the family home?" Alex choked back a sob. Nikita tightened her grip on Alex and spoke softly "Don't cry sweetie, you know you look like a panda when you're done!" Before Alex could stop it the laugh slipped past her lips, trust Nikita to know how to make her laugh even in a situation like this. "HEY" Alex countered and slapped Nikita's arm. Nikita laughed "I think pandas are cute" she finally opened her eyes to be met with a bleary Alex; she rubbed her eyes and focused in on Alex again.

Nikita reached over Alex and turned on the bedside light and it was then that Alex's face was illuminated. Nikita sighed heavily; Alex's eyes were bloodshot and puffy her cheeks red from the exertion of her sobbing. Alex let out an embarrassed laugh "I must look awful, don't worry I'm ok….really I am!" Nikita gave her a sceptical look but didn't push the situation because that usually sent Alex into lockdown mode. "You still look beautiful Alex don't worry, as for your mother I don't know if she was involved with the plan, I don't know a lot about what happened that night but one thing I know for sure is that she does love you and don't ever doubt that." Alex blushed, she enjoyed these moments when Nikita was so open and unguarded, it made Alex feel special because it so rarely happened.

"But she nearly got us killed!" Alex mused as she ran her fingers over the marks left on Nikita's shoulder from the shrapnel. Nikita allowed Alex's fingers to wander lazily over the marks for a few moments before she spoke "She's confused Alex, she is getting information from two conflicting sources and in that moment she did what she thought was best, yes she did put us in danger but Alex I'm always here to help you with missions that are important to you even if it means getting a few scars in the process!" Nikita was trying to make light of the situation and Alex didn't like that. Her fingers stopped their actions and she locked eyes with Nikita "You're important I can't keep putting you at risk for things that might not ever work out!" Nikita smiled gently at Alex "You're not putting me at risk, I willingly do it, I always will." Alex sighed heavily "Yes I am…look!" She took hold of Nikita's tank top "These scars here are from helping me with my mother" she pulled up Nikita's top to reveal her stomach "These ones here are from when you saved me from Vlad" her hand shot to the neck of Nikita's top and pulled it down "These three here are from when I shot you" She lifted up Nikita's right arm so it was bathed in light "These here are from when you came to Division and this one…" She took hold of Nikita's right arm "This one is from the day when you saved me from that drug house and ultimately saved me from myself!"

When she was finished Alex's eyes were glistening with unshed tears. Nikita was shocked; she never knew Alex felt so responsible for these things. She unclasped the vice like grip Alex had on her arm and linked their fingers "And I'd do it ALL again if it meant keeping you safe…. Protecting you has always been top of my list, I'd do anything to keep you safe Alex!" Nikita rarely showed her emotions even with Michael her feelings were almost like a heavily guarded secret but when it came to Alex it was a completely different story; her feelings would get the better of her and automatically start flowing like a flood gate had been opened. She loved the delighted smile Alex would get when she suddenly opened up to her out of the blue. But this time Nikita was worried, she feared her feelings were leading her along a path that had no return and she couldn't handle the idea that Alex might not be around if she found out the truth.

Alex unlinked their fingers and cupped Nikita's hands in both of hers she averted her eyes and they just flitted around the room refusing to look at Nikita. "You're all I need you know? As long as I have you I know everything will be ok" Alex managed to push out in a hushed voice and she worried Nikita might not have heard her. Nikita's heart nearly burst within her chest, she felt the same way, yes she loved Michael but not the way she loved Alex, with Alex it was so intense sometimes unbearable.

At the start Alex had only really been a way to take Division down but somewhere along the way all that changed and Nikita's heart was constantly at war with her mind. "Come here" Nikita whispered and pulled Alex into her; her back resting against the headboard and Alex curled around the side of her body. Nikita's heart was hammering so hard so swore she could feel it trying to break through her ribs but she composed herself. "Alex you are the single most important thing in my life, Michael doesn't even come close, do you know how mad it made me seeing you with Nathan? I wanted to throw him off the highest building I could find and now that I've got you I'm not letting you go, you're literally not allowed out of my sight, you understand?" she hoped Alex caught all of it because she rushed through it so quickly but the smile on Alex's face told her everything she needed to know. "I won't ever leave your sight starting now!" Alex mused and touched her lips gently to Nikita's in a fleeting kiss. She curled even further into Nikita and closed her eyes. "Sleep well" spluttered Nikita as the electricity from that simple kiss still pulsed through her body.

How did Alex have the ability to do this to her, Alex somehow managed to turn her into a blundering idiot but somewhere deep inside Nikita didn't really mind it made a change from the cold exterior that she had worn for so many years of her life.

**To be continued…..**

**Reviews are very much appreciated **


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

I want to thank everyone for their lovely comments!

Nikita and Alex were sitting on the couch in the living room their legs entangled as they basked in the early morning sun that came cascading through the large bay windows. Alex was still in her tank top and sleep shorts but Nikita was dressed as she had already been up for a few hours; her mind never letting her forget what her job was so she usually only slept a couple of hours. Alex leaned her head back and closed her eyes enjoying the heat that beamed down on her face. Suddenly her face was shaded; she opened her eyes to be met by Nikita's dark sparkling eyes studying her with a gaze that was quite intense. Alex closed her eyes again and spoke "Not that it's not nice to see you so close but you are blocking my sun!" Nikita bit back the comment that was on the tip of her tongue and settled on "What are you thinking about?" Alex's lips twitched up into a big grin and she opened her eyes to stare straight back at Nikita "I'm thinking why you didn't throw Nathan off a building because all this could have happened sooner!"

Nikita Laughed and settled down closer to Alex and started to play with a strand of curly hair "Because it would have put us both in too much danger if we were together, we wouldn't have been able to keep our minds on track and If Percy had have found out he wouldn't have hesitated to kill you and the secret I had been keeping from you would have torn us completely apart even more than it did!" she replied honestly as her fingers flitted over the gunshot wound she had left on Alex's leg no more than a couple of months ago. Nikita felt guilt for this every second of everyday; as soon as she had done it she felt numb, she felt like her life force had been drawn straight out of her and that's when she knew for sure that Alex was indeed her life. Her head ducked she was completely ashamed of what she had done and promised herself she will spend every day making it up to Alex.

"Hey?" Alex spoke sternly and rested her forehead against Nikita's "It's all in the past now, we've moved past it, all I care about is that we are ok now and that we are together!" Nikita nodded and left her forehead against Alex's she enjoyed the feeling she got from being in such close proximity to the younger girl. Alex's eyes shifted up to catch Nikita's "You being this close makes me feel lightheaded!" she confessed with a slight giggle. Nikita smiled brightly "You take my breath away so I guess we are even!"

The door to the safe house clicked open and Michael stepped in making sure to close the door quietly behind him. He dropped his bag by the door and stopped to take in his surroundings. The guilt of how he left washed over him; he could still hear the shouting and yelling in his ears – Nikita swore she was only doing what Cassandra had asked her to do and Alex begged him to believe her but he was blinded by rage and the last words he spoke before slamming the door was "I hope I never have to see you again Nikita you bring pain wherever you go and I'm done!" and with that he was gone. Michael was broken from his daze when he heard faint voices coming from the living room. He walked slowly making sure he treads lightly. He stopped in his tracks when he sees its Nikita, she was laughing.

Michael couldn't remember the last time he heard her laugh properly. He saw Alex next to her and was glad that Nikita had her back he knew she had missed Alex a lot; he often had to wake Nikita from nightmare where she was screaming for forgiveness from Alex. He watched Nikita for another few minutes observing how much more at ease she was since he had left. But what he saw next caught him off guard. Nikita lifted her hand up to point out something visible through the skylight and Alex's fingers were entangled with hers. Alex leaned over and whispered something in Nikita's ear and she laughed again. Nikita's laugh was music to Michael ears and he knew he really had missed her. Nikita pulled on Alex's hand and she went tumbling into Nikita's lap. Michael heard Alex shriek and then she erupted into laughter. He was puzzled he had never seen Nikita act this was; she was so relaxed and free spirited and then he saw it. Alex sat up again but instead of being beside her she was straddling Nikita's lap with her hands braced either side of her head on the couch. Nikita's hands reached up to play with Alex's curls.

Michael had seen enough and stepped into the room and cleared his throat. Alex's crystal blue eyes snapped up to pin Michael. Her cheeks blushed and she buried her face into Nikita's neck "Michael" she whispered but Michael caught it. Nikita's shoulders visibly tensed, she ran her hands down Alex's arms and stopped at her elbows and gently moved Alex off her lap. Nikita stood up and straightened out her clothes and turned to face Michael her body coiled like a spring ready to be released. "Nikita" was simply all Michael said. "Michael" Nikita replied just as simple. "I'm sorry for leaving and saying those things but I'm back now to try and make amends I've missed you but first can you please explain what I just saw?" he asked through gritted teeth. Nikita smiled coyly "What DID you just see?" she mused and turned to give Alex a wink who by now had managed to pull herself together and was leaning against the back of the couch her eyes gleaming with a mixture of amusement and embarrassment. "You know what I'm talking about Nikita, don't play stupid" Michael retorted not at all seeing the funny side of things. Nikita's eyes darkened to match Michael's mood. "What did you think would happen Michael? You would come back and apologise and I'd forgive you for the way you treated me?" she bit back. Michael's eyes shifted to Alex "Well it seemed to work for her didn't it?" he snarled.

The coiled spring was released and Nikita launched herself at Michael catching him off guard. In a matter of seconds she had him pinned against the island in the kitchen. "You think it's funny to talk about her like that? I don't think you are in any position to be talking right now do you? Michael was stunned by the ferociousness at which Nikita defended Alex. He put his hands up and surrendered "Alright!" Nikita let him go and stepped back knocking into Alex in the process, the quick contact sent electricity shooting through her veins. "Michael brushed himself off "How about we start this again? Did I miss something?" he looked between them both "Look Michael…" Nikita started more calmly this time. "I do love you, but just not in the same way you love me, I'm sorry but there is just something between Alex and I, it's just so intense I can't ignore it anymore, please understand" His eyes narrowed as he assessed them both. Alex's hand was wrapped around Nikita's bicep her thumb drawing soothing circles, Nikita's body was relaxing right before Michael eyes and her eyes softened; he had never seen Nikita's moods change so quickly. No matter what he did he could never get her to calm down if something went wrong. "Can I say something?" Alex finally spoke. Michael sat down on the island stool and crossed his arms ready to hear whatever explanation Alex was about to spew out.

"First I want to say that I'm sorry you found out this way and believe I really didn't try and get in the middle or yours and Nikita's relationship I kept my feelings to myself for so long and tried to convince myself that it was just a stupid crush and that Nikita didn't feel the same way and above all I never meant to break you two up because from what I saw you two were happy but something just happened last night and I broke" Alex fell silent and waited for Michael to speak. Nikita pushed Alex's hair out of her face and smiled at her "We'll talk about this later ok?" Alex just nodded. Their attention was pulled back to Michael as he stood up "Ok" was all he said and he walked off climbing the stairs and entered Birkhoff's room and slammed the door behind him. Nikita let out a sigh of relief and relaxed into Alex's embrace. "What a great way to find your ex-girlfriend; on the couch with another girl straddling her lap!" Alex quipped. Nikita shot out of Alex's embrace and turned to stare her down with an eyebrow raised. "What? Too soon?" Alex asked innocently, a smile creeping over her features. Nikita stayed stoic for what seemed like forever before a smile made its way to her lips "Yeh just a bit!" she quipped.

"Sorry" Alex pouted and held out her arms a silent way of asking Nikita to come back. Nikita eyed Alex for a few seconds and then walked into her open arms returning the hug. "Let's hope he never finds us like that again" laughed Alex trying to make light of the situation. "You're really not funny" retorted Nikita her voice muffled by Alex's hair. "Well it's a good thing you don't like me for my humour because then we would be screwed!" Alex tried again Nikita quietly laughed "Still not funny!" Alex protested "You laughed at that one!" she pulled Nikita away from her body to see her face. "I laughed at how pathetic your attempts were!" she informed Alex. Alex feigned her sadness "Well that was just mean". Nikita took Alex's hand and led her back to the couch; she sat down pulling Alex with her "In all seriousness, Alex we need to talk about this".


End file.
